jen gray

December 29, 2008

Goodbye 2008....

breakfast nook, yesterday

It was a great year.
It was a hard year.
It was a year of things i never imagined.
It was a year of shedding skin.
It was a year of dear goodness.
It was a year of deep work.

...and i am ready to say goodbye to it.

i do not make resolutions.
i end up rebelling against them so
it is pointless for me to make them.

but i do pray and i do hope and i forever make wishes.

i have the strangest big feeling about 2009.

im not sure what it is exactly, but i am sensing
something for sure, and do i dare say it feels
right and it feels good?

all i know is that whether this sense is true or not,
it feels so peaceful to hold this feeling of hope within.
especially when there were some years i dreaded
with the heaviest
of hearts.

i pray for love, beauty, healing,
and freedom from fear ~
for all of us.

i hope that the goodness of this world
will grow bigger and more powerful than
all the trauma and pain which seems to have taken
over lately.

and i wish this year to be the best one yet....

with prayer, hope and wishes ~
Happy New Year...

jen gray

Posted by jen at 04:51 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 27, 2008

2008 .

christmas eve, lakeside

and if there is anyway
the last few days of 2008 could
be beautiful to your heart,

that is my wish tonight...

Posted by jen at 04:06 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 24, 2008

wishing you. . . .

eve , canon xti

merry
happy
peace
to you
and you
and you

Posted by jen at 03:31 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 19, 2008

i try, but winter still blows.

Posted by jen at 04:58 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 18, 2008

sweet.. ..

two little feet, st. albans bay

Posted by jen at 05:47 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 15, 2008

real.

barn pretties.

When we no longer know what to do we have
come to our real work and when we no longer know
which way to go we have begun our real journey.
The mind that is not baffled is not employed.
The impeded stream is the one that sings ...
- Wendell Berry

***happy birthday Gail***

Posted by jen at 08:51 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 12, 2008

bucking up. . .

who knows, delmar.

let's just pretend that everything is going to be okay.
let's just imagine all is going to work out.

remember when we freaked and stressed and cried
and felt so hopeless? remember how many days it
stole from our lives? remember how we were
certain the goodness would never come?

but it did.
and we made it through.
and we wasted so many heartbeats frozen in fear for no reason.

so knock it off.

we have one another.
and we have good friends.
and we have family.
we have a roof,
and we have warmth.
we have resources
and we have support.
and thats more than most.

so even if we have to fake it until we make it,
lets give it a shot. when we are 82 we are going to
roll our eyes and laugh this one off. i promise.

as my friend moe always said when i needed to snap out of it,
"slap a little lipstick on and you'll be fine"...

no more wasted heartbeats for today.
carry on

Posted by jen at 10:51 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 08, 2008

for my dear old friend. . . . . .

when you must walk through, ...

this is from an entry from 2005, but i am re-posting today
in honor of an old friend who is now walking down that
very same road......

what i know for sure is that most of the time i know jack shit.
and that the things i thought were for sure, often change,
and that beliefs and fears and goals and
passions can switch on you as well.

what i know for sure is that this can be damn scary.
and to let go of what you know so well,
and abandon the comfort of familiarity takes deep strength.

and to starve your heart is to die a slow death.

what i know for sure is that if you ask for help, things will be
easier. and to pretend you are a superhero is exhausting.
relief will come in being honest, even if its the hard stuff.
and your true sisters, your true family, will help you up.... if you let them.

what i know for sure is that you can only think and talk
about things for so long and then the day comes when
you finally have to make a move. it doesnt have to be drastic,
but you do need to take that small step towards getting to
a better place.

what i know for sure if that this is your one life,
and you cannot get caught in midstream, mindlessly agreeing
to what is handed to you.
it is up to you now.
it is up to you to take hold of the wheel, and
to make this life of yours loaded to the rim
with soulfulness
and experiences that really fill you,
and to have people surrounding you
who truly care for your
heart....

and i know it takes alot of courage.
and i know it can feel terrifying.

but you are worth it.
your life was not meant to be lived this way.
now is your chance.

we are here
we are rooting for you
and we will not only see you through but be
here on the other side to celebrate with you....

Posted by jen at 03:52 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 04, 2008

all i know...

Posted by jen at 11:51 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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December 02, 2008

just one part. . . .

piece by piece,

i remember when she told me that
this place i was in was only temporary.
and that this fog bank would not last forever.

i remember when she told me that this
darkness was not going to take me.
and that i was simply off track.

i remember when
she told me that i would receive a gift
in this after all was said and done.
and that my true nature rests in joy.

temporary
off track
gift
true nature.
(i used to say these words over and over)

this is just one part.
just one part of your entire huge life.
i know it sometimes feels like it's
just too heavy to keep walking around
with this weight.

but soon enough, it will be like that small stone
you skipped on the lake just last summer.
that is how it will be.

and soon you will forget the fog was even here.

you are not alone.
you are not broken.
you are still you.
you are capable.
you are healing.
you are going to be okay.
you are not powerless.
you are on your way.

peace....

Posted by jen at 10:51 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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