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October 31, 2008

for you . . . . . . . .

fuckcancer.jpg


we got your back K.B.
we got you....

Posted by jen at 07:30 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


postcard.jpg white sands, death valley

i wish you peace.
i wish you space to breathe.
i wish you calm.

i wish you healing.
i wish you the knowing of what to do next.
i wish you a load of support and then some.

i wish you rest.
i wish you strength.
i wish you certainty.

i wish you release.
i wish you freedom.
i wish your fear to cease.

i wish you no more nightmares.
i wish you good views.
i wish you kindness.

i wish my wishes for you come true.

Posted by jen at 03:48 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 28, 2008

finally... .... ....

received.jpg
denise open hands, waiting....

as long as i have known denise, which feels like decades and decades,
she and her husband have been looking and searching and wishing and waiting for a child to come into their lives. they did everything,
everything,
to do whatever it took to try and conceive.......i remember every phone call, each month, tears and defeat, and then a willingness to try try again. and it often broke my heart to hear her trying to be positive and knowing she was
just so very sad and grasping onto hope.

we were very hopeful when the possibility of adoption came, and i think all of us thought this was finally going to happen. and then things feel apart,
and i have to admit, i shot a glare or two towards the sky,
and i admit i said once or twice to that very same sky:

"this is bullshit. and enough is enough.
and why do the meanest people on earth have children
and why wouldnt heaven jump at the chance to have
the most loving and kind folks care for the soul of a precious child?!"

but i couldnt stay in that place for long,
because the last thing my friend needed
was another hopeless person.

it wasnt long ago, denise and her husband received another
call from the adoption coordinator. i remember feeling
very protective about not wanting them to endure yet another
loss, so i was a little apprehensive about this contact.

and then i began to hear the story about the birth parents,
and how so many things were seeming to fit,
and what excellent care this mom had provided
for this baby while she has been pregnant,
and how she imagined people just as my friends
to raise this child,
that i just knew.
and i knew denise felt it too, because her voice
wasnt shakey, and she actually had joy when we
would talk. (ive heard her giggle more in the past
two months than i have ever heard in the time of knowing her)

it finally made sense,
all the apparent glitches in the story,
were actually very specific and directive turns,
to get them to this place of finding the child destined for their hearts.

he is about to arrive any day now.
and every time the phone rings my heart skips a beat
~ because not only do i get to witness a dream come true,
a wish so deeply drenched in love finally being granted,

but i also get to be the very proud,
very honored, very protective,
very grateful fairy godmother to this little boy...

and that about the very best gift i could imagine :) ....

i have grown to be fully at peace with not having children of my own, knowing that my "mothering" would come about in a hundred different ways, but i have to admit, that with the arrivals of my baby niece and the Boho's little son, i feel a swell in my heart that makes my heart burst in a way that i can't put words too. there are pieces in the nooks of my heart that havent felt this kind of
light ever before.

all i know is that it is the most hopeful feeling i have ever felt. ...

come on phone, ring....

Posted by jen at 10:14 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 24, 2008

fall pickin's......

sitpumpk.jpg
watching the pumpkins, when it was still warm out

heather bailey for great fabric and my favorite new hair accessory ~ trash ties.

pretty little jewels that suit me just fine.

get off my sunshine.... what im crooning to

shoes i wish i had never laid eyes on. it's a hard habit to break.

Posted by jen at 04:27 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 09, 2008

note to self. . . .

1e.jpg
the view from there, new hampshire

how much more air time are you going to give that voice in your head?

im just saying....

it might serve you to change the channel.

Posted by jen at 07:43 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 06, 2008

thumbprint

yourwayj.jpg
superhero class, squam arts

its okay if you dont do it like they do it
and its okay if you do it that way instead of this way

at the end of the day,
this is still YOUR story.

and not a single person on or off the planet can
tell it or work it the way you can.

your thumbprint is essential here.

only you can see from your eyes,
only you can speak the words in your heart,
only you...

you are past the trying to force a way that doesnt belong to you,
that is why you feel that stuck shit feeling....
because it no longer works.

you know better now.

its your song
your story
your way
your expression
your essence
that is the ticket here.

no one can do it just like you.
not a one.

you own the pencil
you are the author of your life.

and thank god.

it would be like a world of re-runs if we did it everyone else's way.


Posted by jen at 03:07 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 04, 2008

boring? bring it.

applrpumpkin.jpg
same place, outer illinois

simple is pretty damn satisfying these days...

Posted by jen at 12:58 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)


October 03, 2008

october. . .

IMG_4621-copy.jpg
gas depot, st. albans bay, vermont

Posted by jen at 03:39 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)