and then i did an art show, and i only sold one painting, and i was out shined by the woman next to me who was selling reindeer faces made out of logs.
someone rolled their eyes at my work and for whatever reason, i stopped painting that day. i put everything in a box up in the attic and let it gather dust.

with a little encouragement from a couple friends, and inspiration from this chickie specifically, i have reopened that box.
and it has been like an explosion. all this cooped up energy.
i cant wait to get home from work and dive in.
now my hands are speckled with paint and ink and textures and my moleskin journals are gaining weight.

and it feels right.

right now, its the perfect format to express the things that arent getting out otherwise. and im always caught by surprise.

i know in the past, i have felt i must have some sort of talent to "do art".
but that is bullshit. if it feels good to you, than do it. who cares what it looks like.
if it is a helpful avenue for your spirit, than by all means, dive in.

for me its no longer about it looking good, its more of a form of meditative expression. and its one place in my life where i have no rules and no one looking over my shoulder telling me what to do and how to do it.

i dont have to be successful. i only have to let what i love to do have time and freedom to do just that. its like letting your dog run wild in an open field without a leash.

so today,
i encourage you to remember what it is you love,
and to give yourself the freedom to play in that energy for awhile. i promise, something good inside of you will become ignited...

Posted by jen at 09:06 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 22, 2008

u should be dancing....

street beat, new orleans ~ canon 20 d

unwilling to let go of the incredible fun we had shaking it up
in new orleans, we
had to keep the party going all the way back to the midwest burbs.

just another saturday night.....

Posted by jen at 06:49 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 21, 2008

yes. . . . .

new orleans, garden district, canon 20d

i loved you new orleans.

the thick and sticky heat,
the gardens,
the gumbo, the oysters,
dear old ida calling me "dawlin",
the dancing,
the music,
the art,
the raw,
the dark,
the magic....

each day i walked your streets
and i soaked in your history and your stories
and the richness of your colorful culture.

i also felt the heaviness and devastation of the hunger
that so many are ruled by now. looking at the water lines on buildings made me sick. ghosts still roam the streets, and even a non believer cant help but see and feel them.

and then there were those who were rebuilding and
recreating that which was lost. such brave ones. so deeply
appreciative for support and business. ive never,
ever,
experienced such incredible and sincere hospitality.

i am so aware of how i dont fit so many places,
that when i do fit, my skin takes on a whole new feel.
and i feel a sense of freedom in every single cell of my being.

thank you for the dance.
what a gift you were to my soul.

Posted by jen at 03:01 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 18, 2008

today's sermon. . .

new orleans, canon 20 d

you are not crazy...

Posted by jen at 04:08 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 17, 2008

keeping it raw. . . .

guest suite ~ louisiana swamp, canon 20 d

i crave the raw
and the dangerous
and anything that
takes me out of the comfort zone.

it is there where i feel the most alive.

this week has been about returning to the root of who i am,
finding fire,
and shedding old skin.

nothing like the voodoo rhythms of the deep south to
stir up the magic in my blood.

Posted by jen at 05:07 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 13, 2008

again. . . . .

all in a day's work, canon 20 d

so you find yourself in that same old mess
and you wonder why this is happening AGAIN....

and you can curse it or hate it or ignore it or walk away or roll over for it.
(i prefer just to leave town) :)

or....

you can take this thing that is happening AGAIN and decide to see it as an opportunity to learn something that is probably most necessary for your healing and for your growth.

this could be your chance.
a chance to handle things differently.
a chance to act from the strength in your heart rather than driven by the chaotic emotional body.
a chance to break that label, that title, that old pattern, that powerless feeling.
a chance to show to yourself that you are capable, you are strong, you are wise,
and you do not have to remain stuck.

at the end of the day, i want to make choices from a place of love.
this gets hard to figure out when i am feeling sad or angry or scared or just plain tired.

but its what i have to keep going back to.

seems to be the only compass that does it for me.

Posted by jen at 08:29 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 11, 2008

THAT!

pretty pointy, canon 20 d

when all was said and done she was able to ask herself,

"now why on earth did i hold onto THAT for so long?!"

and she clicked her heels and went on her way.

(t.y.lizzy)

Posted by jen at 02:44 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 10, 2008

wings

ginger's kite, canon 20d

Posted by jen at 10:02 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 09, 2008

the best you can. . . .

porch medicine, canon 20 d

i cant get angry
because im just too tired.

i cant get sad
because i break out in hives when i cry, which makes me
cry even more, and besides, why should i let you give me hives?

i cant eat
because my tight skirt is making my gut beg me for mercy.

i cant talk about it
because im sick of talking about it.

i cant smoke
because i dont anymore.

i cant pray
because i dont know what else to say.

and i cant zen out with green tea and yoga
because that shit just doesn't even hold a match to my inner chaos.

so its just me
and all these emotions
and the best i can do is sit on the porch and get lost in
watching for the coopers hawk to visit in the old pine.

and that is the best i can to do.

and sometimes that is all you've got.

Posted by jen at 01:51 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 05, 2008

asking. . .

iris speaks, canon 20 d

perhaps it is time you ask for a little help.

i see how hard you have tried. really really tried.

and i know you like to be brave ad independent and never want to seem unappreciative for all that you have,

but asking for help doesn't make you less than or ungrateful.

it just makes you wise enough to know there is assistance for your pain.

you are not crazy.
you are not sick.
you are not a mess.

you just need a little help.

we all do at one time or another.

why let another day of dread steal your life away?

just ask.

Posted by jen at 10:09 AM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 02, 2008

SQUAM Update...

pinwheel, canon 20d

Okay, there is just so much to tell you about the Squam Art Workshops that I am going to let you read Andrea's summary, because she says best...

but do allow me to expand on something here...

Whenever I am asked that question, "If you were stranded on a desert island, what 5 cd's would you want to have with you?" ~ there is one artist who is a constant on my list..
And whenever I am asked "If you could have the voice of any artist, whom would you choose?" ~ and the answer is the same as the desert island one. . .

A musician whose music and lyrics have been a companion to me through so many different roads of my life,
an artist whose songs have lifted me through some really dark times,
a woman whose heart speaks so honestly about things i have no words for,

....the fabulous Jonatha Brooke. (Give a little listen here and you will understand why I adore her.)

So imagine my surprise when i found out she we be joining us at SQUAM this september!

Like it isnt enough to be nestled in the beauty of New Hampshire, surrounded by wonderful women, getting to bliss out in creativity,
but then getting to sit around bonfire while Jonatha sings to us?

I could just pass out with excitement!

I so hope each one of you who desires to join us can make it. Even if it seems to impossible at this point, dont give up trying to make it happen. You deserve this, and we would love you to come....

Posted by jen at 03:12 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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June 01, 2008

there,...

his, hers, mine, ours ~ canon 20 d

even though there are many days,
my life feels so far from what i had ever imagined....

even though i feel like i could go crazy by the
confinement and restrictions of so many, many, things....

even though i sometimes cry my eyeballs right out onto the floor...

i still believe i am exactly where i am supposed to be at, for one reason or another. and i still believe there is soulful purpose to be found even when i am smack dab in the middle of what seems to be so far from who i am.

i cant give up looking for the magic, the lesson, the opportunity to give, to grow.

life would really be the pits without that hope of something more.

and isnt it a hoot when it all perfectly makes sense at the end of the journey?...

Posted by jen at 03:37 PM   |   link   |   Comments (0)

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