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November 30, 2007
trippin. . . .
my sweet peas, cayman ~ canon 20d (shot by susie)
i just returned from a beautiful stay in the caymans.
there were loads of good laughs, incredible music, great skies,
ocean swims, and visits with old friends.
now surrounded by bare boned trees and an
icy cold river, i cant help but wonder why it is i live
in illinois.
i typically get a little funked out returning back from
the islands, but being greeted at the airport by a
handsome man with cards and roses made the homecoming
much more easier.
more to come....
Posted by jen at 03:46 PM | link | Comments (0)
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November 23, 2007
adios. . . . .
“Your heart is my piñata.” ~ Chuck Palahniuk
im off on a little adventure and will
be checking back next week...
peace to you
jen
Posted by jen at 05:04 PM | link | Comments (0)
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November 20, 2007
gracias. . . .
in barga, canon 20d
two years ago, if anyone would have told me i would
one day fall in love again and be really happy, i would
have done my typical eye roll and walked away.
if anyone would have told me that this person would be
someone i already knew, had a also gone through a divorce,
and was good friends with, i would have
laughed first, rolled my eyes, and then i would
have ran for the hills.
i was certain i would turn out to be that old woman on your block
with the long ratty hair living with 48 cats.
so you can imagine my surprise when we (having been friends for a long time)
began to hang out (having both been through a hard divorce)
and....
fell
in
love.
and before i knew it i was laughing again, and going out dancing,
taking incredible adventures, trying things i had never done
before, but mostly,
i had a HOT and good hearted man
to talk to and share my days with.
and i am happy.
this thanksgiving i am thankful that love came around
one more time for this old heart of mine.
Posted by jen at 09:40 PM | link | Comments (0)
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lets talk about it. . .
beheaded, canon 20 d
anger.
do you pray?
do you scream?
do you smile and breathe?
do you practice remaining unattached from the personality?
do you get to turn the tables over in the church and yell?
do you stuff it until you get so depressed you need meds?
do you spill it out on people who cut you off on the road?
do you turn it into tears and cry rivers from your eyes?
do you work out? do you call your girlfriend and vent?
eat? drink? meditate? journal? smoke? shut down? explode?
so many of us learned along the way that our anger is
inappropriate, or bad...its "unpretty"
and it certainly isnt "zen" like.
while i try to live my life from a basic core of loving kindness,
i still believe that anger is a perfectly normal and acceptable
emotion to feel. and yet sometimes i am totally confused at how to
manage it when it arises.
Posted by jen at 08:27 AM | link | Comments (0)
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November 16, 2007
issue #567
at gingers, canon 20d
what do you expect?...
after a daily diet of
the Girls Next Door,
Desperate Housewives,
Mature Rated computer games,
My Space,
Victoria Secret commercials,
Vogue Magazine,
Ads for Lipo, plastic surgery, diet pills,
Dad's Maxim magazine,
Mom's constant weight comparisons,
is it any wonder why our little babes are trying
so hard to grow up so quickly and look so perfect?
watch this ad from dove.....
and and this one too.
Posted by jen at 09:37 AM | link | Comments (0)
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November 14, 2007
yup. . . . .
barga of course, canon 20 d
for those of you who have been following my journey here, you know i have had times in my life when i felt absolutely slammed by depression.
it is one of those touchy subjects, most dont want to hear about or look at depression. it scares people and makes them uncomfortable.
some even think it is a sign of weakness.
they think you can just shake it off or go for a run and it will be all better.
god forbid you go on meds.
then you get to become a freak show on top of feeling like shit. depression is
so drenched in shame that it adds to its power over you.
anyhow, now that things are better in my life i must admit i feel this pressure to remain "happy." even if i am having a normal down day, it scares me, and i try to hide it from myself and others. once you have been there, you just dont ever want to return.
when i read my dear friend's entry about her journey through this experience, i felt such a relief through her honesty. i love her for being so brave about a very real subject that has alot of baggage attached to it.
thank you mccabe...
in the mean time,
a few things that have brought a smile to my face this week ....
*the arrival of these new custom warmers from treehouse28
*thinking about running my fingers through
his hair
*sending messages to friends via
dylan
*watching my most favorite Drag Queen from the Key West days,
RV Beaumont,
do a little yodeling.
Posted by jen at 04:02 PM | link | Comments (0)
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November 13, 2007
whatsoever...
soft, canon 20d
“Difficult times have helped me to understand better than before,
how infinitely rich and beautiful life is in every way,
and that so many things that one goes worrying about
are of no importance whatsoever...” ~ Isak Dinesen
Posted by jen at 09:22 PM | link | Comments (0)
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stay beast. stay.
mold a rama, canon 20 d
i think most of us have that beast.
the one that growls in our ear all of our short comings.
(or what we think are short comings)
my beast tends to say things like:
"you will never be good enough.
you are disorganized.
you are too emotional.
you have gained weight and your ass looks like hell in a bathing suit.
you have nothing in common with anyone here.
you are a wreck.
you are stupid.
you wont be able to handle it.
you will never get there.
you have failed at so many things, why even try.
you are okay at alot of things but not really good at anything.
you are not responsible.
you are not pretty .
you suck. "
now its not like i hear these things all day long, but none the
less, the voice is there.
today my challenge is to put the beast in his cage and leave him
out back. im curious as to how i will feel not giving even a split
second thought to his shredding words.
and im curious as what voice will arise in place.
leave your beast at home today...
Posted by jen at 09:03 AM | link | Comments (0)
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November 12, 2007
getting old. . . .
what's on the shelf, canon 20 d
they had been together for a really long time.
and you know how it goes, after awhile the pages
of romance begin to yellow...
there are the children, and after school activities,
and their careers, and the house,
and the bills, and the social functions at the club to
keep them busy.
but what she really wanted~
and what she really craved, more than anything,
was to feel like she did when they were first engaged.
when he would slip a love note on her windshield before he left
for work, and bring her flowers even though they were from
that roadside guy, and how he would turn on van morrison
and pour her a glass of wine on friday nights...
and when he would have to go out of town for business
he always called her
before bed, never hanging up the phone without saying
"i love you babe" and never failing to bring
her home some cheesy trinket
from the airport gift store.
she wanted to tell him how much she missed these simple
little things, but when she did he became defensive and said that
she was never happy and it is never enough and didnt she get
that upgraded diamond last christmas?
you cant force a person into being a romantic, but you would hope
reminding one another at how wonderful it can make your partner
feel would be enough.
Posted by jen at 03:11 PM | link | Comments (0)
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November 08, 2007
sounding off....
ring my bell, canon 20d
oh my gosh, you guys are SO kind with your comments
regarding my "wonder woman, dancing with stars" impromptu...
thank you....thank you...
now let's give it up for **swirly**
who is giving us a little afternoon delight!
i love it when people break free from the
"what would people think" mode.
even if it is just for a few minutes.
i lived a good percentage of my life worried
about what others would think.
afraid of disappointing,
fearing the feeling of judgment,
not wanting to be anything but good and perfect.
the best gift i have received in the last couple
years of my life, has been in learning to give up
all that kind of chatter.
i
just
dont
care
like i used to before.
my heart can still get hurt by the meanies,
but im just not living my life around the approval
of others anymore. my acceptance comes more
from within these days.
and nothing, has been so liberating.
Posted by jen at 04:13 PM | link | Comments (0)
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November 02, 2007
for you . . . .
halloween night, canon 20 d (photo by barron)
so many of my favorite people live across the country.
and there are so many times i wish i could be there
to celebrate their birthdays, give them a break from
their routines, lift their spirits after a long spell of tears,
or make them laugh when they need it the most. i miss
being close to my tribe, i miss like minded sisters.
the other night when this song came on, i couldnt help
but think of all my girls out there (two having birthdays this month)
when a theatrical performance (or a spastic seizure depending
on how you see it) came forth from within.
so....
boho
mccabe
andrea
swirly
and to all my other fav chicks across the globe,
THIS
one's for you....
Posted by jen at 03:01 PM | link | Comments (0)
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cleaning up . . . .
in the shed, canon 20 d
it has been said that the biggest
thorn in your side can also be your greatest
teacher.
so if that is true, i am having to look
for a lesson in someone that i truly
want nothing to do with.
could the lesson be about learning to love
unconditionally, and without judgment?
or could it be, finding a common thread in the
midst of feeling like we are worlds apart?
could the teaching involve learning to set boundaires
or learning to not let a negative person infiltrate
my thinking?
am i supposed to learn to draw the line or
loosen my grip?
am i seeing my own shadows reflected back to me?
or i am being asked to see my beauty in the midst
of such chaos?
i guess i just dont know.
what i do know is that when i am feeling the drain
of a conflict that seems never ending, and i have tried
everything under the sun to try and make things better ~
all i really want to do is grab my camera, my tunes,
and hit the open road.
and maybe that is what i am supposed to get.
to learn again and again to return to
what really brings joy to my days.
because the truth is, life is full of
thorns ~ and if i do not learn to preserve who i am,
and what i love in the midst of it, ill just end up
being a bloody mess....
Posted by jen at 10:55 AM | link | Comments (0)
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