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September 28, 2007
dont give up . . . .
cream at orange, canon 20 d
im not sure what to make of praying anymore, but i still do it.
and lately, the list of those im praying for seems to be getting
bigger and bigger.
right now, the majority of my friends are going through
some sort of major transition. its been a rough time....
tonight ,while checking out the moon, the song
"dont give up" by peter gabriel came on.
and in that moment, i so wished i
could be allowed to take god's place, just for 5 minutes,
so i could whip up some well needed miracles.
ah well....
instead, i prayed. and i prayed.
and i put these words on my silly
little blog, hoping maybe the eyes
of my friends
would come across
these words and thoughts,... and perhaps
find comfort in knowing there is one
who cares deeply for the condition of their heart.
so....for M, and F, and M, and J, and G, and D, and D, and C,
and L, and J, ...this is for you.
Dont give up
'cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not beaten yet
Dont give up
I know you can make it good...
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up
We dont need much of anything
Dont give up
'cause somewhere theres a place
Where we belong...
Rest your head
You worry too much
Its going to be alright
When times get rough
You can fall back on us
Dont give up
Please dont give up...
Dont give up
'cause you have friends
Dont give up
Youre not the only one
Dont give up
No reason to be ashamed
Dont give up
You still have us
Dont give up now
Were proud of who you are
Dont give up
You know its never been easy
Dont give up
'cause I believe theres the a place
Theres a place where we belong....
Posted by jen at 08:14 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 26, 2007
soft . . . .
A Cushion For Your Head
Just sit there right now.
Don't do a thing.
Just rest.
For you separation from God, from love, is the hardest work in this world.
Let me bring you trays of food and something that you like to drink.
You can use my soft words as a cushion for your head ~ Hafiz (1320-1389)
Posted by jen at 08:40 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 24, 2007
remembering. . . . .
soft, canon 20d
a year ago we received the news that we had lost
a dear soul. a brother, an uncle, a friend, a son...
it was a painful time.
and sometimes,... it still is.
i am reminded especially when i see the quietness in his father's eyes,
or in knowing his sister still wakes up in the middle of the night, confused
and rattled by her brother's sudden departure.
its a mystery. . .why some of us make it and why some of
us cant seem to get free from the pain.
even those who are surrounded with the best kind of love.
sometimes you try and you try and you try and you try,
but you still cant reach through the darkness enough
to grab the hand that needs it so badly.
and sometimes, a soul gets so worn down, they dont
even recognize the extended hand is one of help.
pain messes up our perceptions.
i dont get alot of things...
but i do get that jon is now in a place and time of complete
beauty, peace, and freedom.
and i do get that if he could, he would tell each of us
that we could not possibly control the path he took.
and we owe it to him to live as fully as we can,
and love even more. because deep down thats what
he really wanted for himself,
he just wasnt able to get there this time around.
i am thinking of all of you right now. . .
i have not forgotten.
i pray that tonight when you rest your head, you are not haunted,
but somehow comforted by the knowing that jon is
really okay. and that you will be okay too.
peace.
Posted by jen at 03:54 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 21, 2007
for you. . . . .
lushy,canon 20 d
“Your heart is my piñata.” ~ chuck palahniuk
Posted by jen at 02:11 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 17, 2007
september. . . . .
outside sepia, canon 20 d ~ photo by barron
fall visited this weekend. boots and sweaters
and scarves. burning leaves and acorn crunches.
the trees are beginning to bleed and once again
we are all reminded why we are lucky to live in the
midwest.
so we went to the Renegade craft show in the city.
there was an ABUNDANCE of creativity and originality.
Many people I must plug, but to start out,
one of my biggest delights was discovering these skirts by
Orangy Porangy
they fit perfectly and shout with color.
the music of the Gabe Dixon Band filled my head,
the out of control yummy at Sepia filled my belly,
and time with the one i love, filled my heart.
Posted by jen at 11:30 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 14, 2007
sit boy, sit....
tiff and soph, canon 20 d
we were trying to figure how to know when to let
something go and when to address it. and being wise enough
to know what would serve
all parties best in a certain situation.
i realized im too fiesty
when it comes to those i love to willingly ignore.
and it takes alot for me to put a leash
on my emotional body when it comes to
effective communication ~ specifically when
my friends or family are being hurt or
taken advantage of.
while i hate violence and have never been in a
fist fight in my entire life, i confess that this week
i have wanted to take off my rings and step into
the ring so to speak.
(i think this all stems from
michael who spit at me on the school bus in grade school.
instead of smacking him upside the head which i should have done,
i turned the other cheek, to which he spit on as well,
because i thought if i didnt
i would go to hell. )
anyhow... since no boxing gloves were readily
available, i had to do the next best thing ~ and as my friend
andrea said "w.w.t.d.l.d.?" (what would the dalai lama do?)
i knew i had to put away my fiest and let fierce but gentle love pave
the way.
and it did.
and all is well.
clearly, if you wish to be heard, really heard,
then sometimes you just have to put a leash on it,
and let the communication of your heart be the
one driving the boat, not the stormy, but well intended,
emotional body.
Posted by jen at 09:55 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 13, 2007
core. . .
sister and brother, canon 20 d
just remember what really holds you ~ the weepies
Posted by jen at 08:40 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 11, 2007
when magic really works...
and they danced, woodstock ~ canon 20d
i had been waiting for my teaching certificate
to arrive in the mail so i could, at the very least, begin
substitute teaching. it seemed like the only option...
but secretly~
i was hoping to get back into a more creative field.
and secretly~ i was hoping to make a certain amount
of money and have a more flexible schedule.
and secretly ~ i really wanted to be a part of something
that contributed to something bigger than the norm.
but in the mean time, i would wait for my certificate to show up.
little did i know, something else was in the works....
he had been talking with her and she thought of me so
she called me and
said i should meet him, and well, she always has a hunch
about these things, and so i called him and
he called me and we met.
and it was magic.
and i was offered the job. and it fit the bill of all
my little secret hopes.
and wouldnt you know, when i got home today ~ guess what finally
came in the mail? yup, my teaching certificate. even the postal service
was facilitating the timing of all of this.
Posted by jen at 06:09 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 10, 2007
tagged again. . .
local color, canon 20d
i was *tagged* by the lovely Linda, and she doesnt have a blog so im posting her questions for you , and would love if you would
send me your responses as well :)
*a special talent :
i can alter my voice so much so that i can
still fool my family on the phone.
*a secret nobody knows:
i am fascinated by the lives of saints
*a personality trait you find attractive:
kindness
*a personality trait you find unattractive:
the gossipy/judgemental type
*a song that melts you :
moon river
*the biggest truth you have learned this year :
that when life brings you to your knees, its the best chance you have at growing into something more real and beautiful, or more bitter and stale.
we make the choice.
an item you are currently coveting:
if travel can be called an item, than that's what i covet.
*what gives you peace :
solitude in nature
*what perfume are you currently wearing:
marc jacob's , daisy
*do you dream much? :
yes. every night. full blown color. at times, it's exhausting.
*what word(s) do you tend to say too much :
im sorry.
*in highschool, what kind or teen were you? :
i was the one being nice to the kid with B.O and the messy clothes.
*describe yourself in 5 words:
compassionate, wild, introspective,
daring, creative.
*a weird quirk:
i am really sensory sensitive. lighting, sounds, smells, textures, can really affect my mood ~ for the better or for the worse.
*have you ever been in love? :
oh gosh yes. many times. different kinds of love.
people, places, music, children, pets... its not hard for me to love.
*has your heart ever been broken?:
oh gosh yes. does one really get to make it through life without this rite of passage?
*favorite thing to wear?:
my lucky skirt, a black tank, and flip flops.
Posted by jen at 03:28 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 07, 2007
mine.
j and s, canon 20d
oh the company i keep inside my head.
ive let an entire army march through the streets.
its no wonder i cant remember
where my keys are,
who im supposed to call,
what day it is.....
i woke up this morning and placed
the "closed" sign on the door to my head.
just for today ~ no beating myself up.
no thinking of what i need to do, cant do, should do.
no worrying about saving him and her and them and us.
no interpreting, analyzing, disecting.
just for today its going to be about
the people i love, the music i adore,
my secret dreams, the adventures i cant
live without, and the part of me that knows
i really have a good life. and i really have a
beautiful heart.
and i really need to have some fun.
everything else is going to have to take a seat.
today is mine.
Posted by jen at 09:07 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 06, 2007
for the girls...
deilcious, canon 20 d
the last time i was fitted for a bra, i was all about 12 and totally mortified going to Crawfords with my mother,
where i purchased my first "Teenform Bra".
You might recall it~ the ugly little padded bra with the
light blue flower in the middle. ...
so i was surprised today when i was at Nordstroms and it
was suggested to me to get fitted. i didnt see the point,
obviously I would know what size bra i wear...
but what the heck.
come to find out ~
IVE BEEN WEARING THE WRONG SIZE THIS ENTIRE TIME.
Two inches too big and and an entire cup size too small.
can you imagine?
so as she gave me my "size appropriate" new undergarment i could not believe the difference i felt! Like wearing a shoe too big, or too small, and finally getting one that fits, just right.
Nordstroms is donating money to the breast cancer
research fund for everyone who gets measured.
so get out there girls, you may just find out you have been, like me, smushing your peaches and rib cage for no other reason than you thinking you know more than the professional bra fitter does.
spiritually speaking, you might just find yourself breathing a whole lot easier.
see? even undergarments can assist in a more peaceful day.
Posted by jen at 02:48 PM | link | Comments (0)
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September 05, 2007
Hafiz, part 2. . .
closed, canon 20 d
it was like when we were back in college and you introduced
me to wendell berry and i just could not get enough. . .
I Know The Way You Can Get
I know the way you can get
When you have not had a drink of Love:
Your face hardens,
Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror
And nose.
Squirrels and birds sense your sadness
And call an important conference in a tall tree.
They decide which secret code to chant
To help your mind and soul.
Even angels fear that brand of madness
That arrays itself against the world
And throws sharp stones and spears into
The innocent
And into one's self.
O I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:
You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.
You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.
You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once
Trusted.
I know the way you can get
If you have not had a drink from Love's
Hands.
That is why all the Great Ones speak of
The vital need
To keep remembering God,
So you will come to know and see Him
As being so Playful
And Wanting,
Just Wanting to help.
That is why Hafiz says:
Bring your cup near me.
For all I care about
Is quenching your thirst for freedom!
All a Sane man can ever care about
Is giving Love!
From: 'I Heard God Laughing - Renderings of Hafiz'
Translated by Daniel Ladinsky
Posted by jen at 09:46 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 04, 2007
Hafiz. . .
what you whisper, barga, italy ~ canon 20d
when i was ten years old, i met a man named david.
he became my camp director during the summers
and over the years grew into a dear friend.
we never needed to say much around one another for
there to be understanding.
we had that kind of rare "no need to speak" language.
so it is not ironic by any means, that today,
thirty years later, he sends me this...
TIRED OF SPEAKING SWEETLY
Love wants to reach out and manhandle us,
Break all our teacup talk of God.
If you had the courage and
Could give the Beloved His choice, some nights,
He would just drag you around the room
By your hair,
Ripping from your grip all those toys in the world
That bring you no joy.
Love sometimes gets tired of speaking sweetly
And wants to rip to shreds
All your erroneous notions of truth
That make you fight within yourself, dear one,
And with others,
Causing the world to weep
On too many fine days.
God wants to manhandle us,
Lock us inside of a tiny room with Himself
And practice His dropkick.
The Beloved sometimes wants
To do us a great favor:
Hold us upside down
And shake all the nonsense out.
But when we hear
He is in such a “playful drunken mood”
Most everyone I know
Quickly packs their bags and hightails it
Out of town.
~ Hafiz ~
(The Gift – versions of Hafiz by Daniel Ladinsky)
thank you david. . .
i know you know.
Posted by jen at 09:28 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 03, 2007
mornings with ben
mr. ben, canon 20 d (taken by andrea)
my favorite time i think was when he would first wake
up. sleepy eyed and smiley and snuggly. happy.
perhaps the most comforting thing in the whole
wide world was sitting with him in my lap
listening to him practice his new language,
"ma ma ma ma ma..."
and damn, when that boy smiled, it didnt matter
what ugly you carried inside ~ it just vanished ~
nothing seems to matter in that moment.
ive had a bit of a rough week.
and i was encouraged to do everything
that i know which gives me peace ~
nature, music, photography, reading rumi,
praying, ...
but what i would have loved the most was to have
a morning with ben.
this little being, doesnt even know
how powerful he is just being on the planet .
a few pounds of straight up love and beauty.
just like his momma.
Posted by jen at 09:15 AM | link | Comments (0)
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September 01, 2007
saturday. . .
old george, canon20d
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
~rumi
Posted by jen at 04:10 PM | link | Comments (0)
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