whatever it takes...
photographer's yoga, taken by Jenny, canon 20d
the morning began with photographing my beautiful
friend who is shy about having her photo taken.
you would be shocked if you saw how pretty she is.
we sang simon and garfunkle songs deliberately out of tune
~which is hard to do if you are a tone perfectionist ~ but is
a guaranteed good laugh....at least in our world it is.
then it was off to the city to assist at a shoot.
a million bikes and toothy grins, stopping traffic,
getting in trouble for doing so, and making a new friend ~
his name is Tito... he called me Paprika.
off to the next place. industrial, train tracks, and sounding
church bells in the distance. by now we were sweaty and
dirty and slap happy.
scrunchy faced (does my face always look like that?)
...my tired eye tries to focus... my sore shoulder tries
to hold the big mamma Mamiya without shaking.
there is a stone digging into my ass but i need to get this shot.
she shoves pizza into my mouth and we keep shooting racing
against the setting sun.
he jams music from his car to keep our energy going.
and when he begins to dance none of us can keep a straight
face and the laughs start all over again.
and i could really go for a beer.
we changed clothes in the parking lot only to discover later the
security cameras perched on every corner. and we realized we just made
our debut in our first Girls Gone Wild video.
some security man will be smiling today.
we work well together. at the very least, we have a damn good time.
we wrapped at 9:00pm and went on our separate ways.
and as i drove home last night,
mellowing out to Erykah Badu,
windows down,
tired arm hanging out the window,
i had that feeling ~
you know, the one that reminds you why you do what you do.
the one that reminds you to do what you love.
the one that promises to feed your soul in a way others may
never understand...except those with the same appetite.
Posted by
jen at 10:14 AM |
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April 16, 2005
steroids...
bursting, canon 20d
i cant help it.
im a sensory girl. i need art and music and nature
and beautiful words and photographs. i crave smells and
tastes and sounds and touch and amazing views and hidden details.
i cant help it .
i think and i think and then i cry and i cry.
and i cry so much my eyelids swell and my nose turns red and i wonder
if one can become dehydrated from spilling so many tears.
i cant help it .
i see tenderness in your eyes and i immediately want to scoop
you up and smooth out the wrinkles and make everything okay.
and i wonder if you know how far i would walk for you.
i cant help it.
i cant hold it in. i have to define it . i have to understand. i have to know why.
i need to think these moments have purpose and connection.
god, let this all be real and not just a juggle of mishaps.
i cant help it.
it takes so very little to lift me into laughter.
my smile is always just seconds away.
and though i try to hide it, especially when im mad
it always sneaks out ...no control whatsoever.
i cant help it.
its within the code of my DNA. i feel compassion even
for the ones who are mean. i feel sorry for the old buildings crumbling down.
i cannot bear to see the goose with the bum wing or the buzzing
saw cutting into a tree. i feel attached to it all.
i cant help it.
i pick up on your moods like an oversized radar a foot from your heart.
i see that your furrowed brow and hear the slight change in your tone
and i know when something isnt right. thats why i ask the questions so often~
"what are you thinking....are you okay?"
ive often thought that god must have been distracted the day he created
my soul. god spilled too much into me. too much thinking too much need
too much wonder too much love too much concern...
i feel like i am bursting out of my skin...
born with a soul on steroids.
Posted by
jen at 08:43 AM |
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April 14, 2005
arrival.....
welcoming, canon20d
welcome little miss Kadison Violet to the arms of Tim and Stef...
you have chosen beautiful parents to cradle you into this life....
Posted by
jen at 07:08 PM |
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April 13, 2005
so what...
breakfast, canon 20d
Yeah, I could eat bubble gum for breakfast.
And I like it when my car is really muddy.
I’m not afraid of being on the stage and maybe I even like it.
Sure my closet is messy but im obsessed with ironing and spray starch.
So what.
Yeah I swear a little too much.
And yes I have a flat ass.
So I'm a bit of a germ freak.
And I wont eat leftovers or food out of a can.
So what.
I like my bib overalls and wearing braids.
And I prefer the company of trees over people.
I am a music addict.
And I’ll give you the raised eyebrow if you even think about killing that spider.
So what.
Yes, I’m still like a rebellious teen.
You tell me no and and I will say “try to stop me.”
Im not afraid to stand up to the meanie
But I still shake when someone yells with an angry voice.
So what.
Im wild and I like getting scared.
I talk to strangers and like to trespass.
I need a constant thread of adventure,
Even though I'll forever need a safe place to land.
So what.
Im moody and Im sensitive and Im a good faker.
I can be down right cold.
Im shamefully good in an argument.
And can be horribly sarcastic.
So what.
I am consistently inconsistent.
I have a thousand ideas and a thousand more dreams.
I cannot be figured out and I like it that way.
Although, I can really drive myself crazy.
So what.
Maybe I cry alot but you won't see me when I do.
I prefer to take care of myself.
Its not that I am so independent,
I just need to be alone to think straight.
So what.
I trust people too easliy
And often get taken advantage of.
I can get depressed to the bone,
But I can easliy laugh my head off in the midst of it.
I suppose I am complicated.
But so what.
I love large.
I care deeply.
And I think that makes up for all the rest.
Posted by
jen at 09:32 AM |
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April 12, 2005
the best one...
tree skirt, canon 20d
oh gosh.
this is such a great tree.
my favorite one on the block.
and i should have something really beautiful to say or
post a really great quote ~ but im so tired, and my bucket is empty.
so here it is.
just for your viewing pleasure.
Posted by
jen at 01:20 AM |
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April 11, 2005
how....
up close, canon 20d
"and I don't know
how you show
such gentle disregard
for the ugly in me
that I see
that for so long
i took so hard
and I truly believe
that you see the best in me...
and that thought
sets me free..." indigo girls
Posted by
jen at 10:39 AM |
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April 09, 2005
the details...
lambs ear, canon 20d
he had no clue.
and he treated her casually.
and he never asked her about her heart.
and he failed to see her beautiful tender details.
little did he know,
she could have saved his soul.
but the time came when she
had to go in order to save her own.
and now he no longer has a map and
he is lost.
she will be okay....
her heart is filled with more love than most
will ever know in a lifetime.
i see her and the details of her spirit.
and i will remind her when she forgets.
Posted by
jen at 05:28 PM |
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April 08, 2005
pace...
little blues, canon 20d
Wake at 4:30am.
Kiss you good morning.
Grab my coffee.
Drive to the city.
Attend class.
Go to a photo shoot.
Eat a zone bar.
Drive to the burbs.
Do homework.
Do work work.
Answer e-mails.
Return phones calls.
Drop off film.
Pick up dry-cleaning.
Kiss you hello.
Have dinner.
Finish work.
Do laundry.
Pack up my gear.
Feed the kitties.
Kiss you goodnight.
Go to bed.
Think about everything I need to get done tomorrow.
Damn, is that the alarm already?
I am like I am hamster inside one of those plastic balls that runs into the walls
and just keeps going.
But today I stopped.
And I went outside.
And I laid down on the ground and took in this view of little blues.
It was quiet.
I felt still.
And for a moment nothing mattered.
And now that I am back in my studio, I am wondering at the pace I keep
and Im trying to figure out what I could cut out to make things more simple…
I haven’t thought of what that is yet.
But I do know I have to change something because
while I am fully swimming in the thick of life,
I have a feeling I am also missing really essential
moments because of the current I am in.
I miss you. I miss my friends. I miss sitting quietly on the back porch. I miss pressing my face to the ground and seeing what is bursting through the earth.
Posted by
jen at 05:29 AM |
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April 05, 2005
yet...
seaglass ~ canon 20d
she reminded me that his edges just
weren't finished getting smoothed out yet.
somehow that helped me to understand.
this weeks picks:
hearing: glen phillips
digging: carrotbox
reading: the sun
looking at: darkshapes
welcoming: danielle
Posted by
jen at 11:47 PM |
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April 04, 2005
off stage...
afternoon nap ~ canon 20d
"so who are you when you are not performing?
"what do you mean?"
"i mean, who are you when you are not taking care of others,
and helping and giving and listening and being the life of the party
and making sure everyone and everything around you is okay
and loved and happy? who are you when no one is around..
when no one is watching?"
"im the girl who likes to go off by herself
and take a nap with her cat..."
i didn't know what else to say...
Posted by
jen at 06:38 AM |
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April 03, 2005
spring.....
new visitors, canon 20d
oh
oh
oh!
its happening. robins and new buds and warmth and
sweet smells and ladybugs and open windows and
longer sunlit hours.
she is here.
spring is finally here.
and for this girl,
that means a mood elevation of about 90%.
i should be the flippin' poster child for Seasonal Affect Disorder.
a before and after picture would say it all.
i tried to love you winter. but i dont. i pretty much hate you.
so go. stay away. and dont do that mid-april
snow dump you tend to do
just so i can freak out about the new sprouts, you big meanie.
im packing away my wool sweaters and snowboots and
tossing my dirty mittens im going to get on my old red bike
and ride into town. im going to buy the prettiest polka dotted
skirt and sweet little matching shoes. im going to listen to
G-Love and Aretha Franklin and not care about who hears me singing .
midwest living can be brutal for those cold bitter months,
but the thrill of the change at this time of year is crazy beautiful.
at the end of this day my face will be tired from smiling.....
***on a side note to my fellow chicago folks ~ if you are aware of an available loft space in the city to rent including one bedroom, kitchen, one bathroom, and a large working space ~ would you please e-mail me at jen@jengray.com? of course, totally great window light, wood floors, exposed brick, and an overall dreamy feel would be a bonus. :) thanks for your help.
Posted by
jen at 03:32 PM |
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April 02, 2005
there...
prairie path, mamiya 645afd
"and even though you haven't taken me
to paris or rome
you're never gonna catch me saying
that you never take me anywhere
because the place that you've been taking me to
is way way closer to home
and i don't know where i'm going
but wherever it is
you take me there...
you
take
me
there..." m.smith
there are those people in my life
with whom i travel with when we are together...
and not in the physical sense
but in the sense that when i am with them
i am plucked out of my nest
and am brought to new adventures,
or deeper understanding,
or crazy silliness,
or new perspectives,
or spiritual awareness,
or just to a place that is away from my normal spinning life.
i wrote at the beginning of this year that i want to "travel extensively..."
today i realized that i already am.
my friends, my loves, are like mini vacations.
all bringing me to a different place on the map.
Posted by
jen at 01:39 AM |
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