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February 26, 2005

split....

gravebroken.jpg
broken grave, key west, canon 300d

two parts.

there is the one who is wildly independent and wishes
to live out this life following the wind.
and the one who loves the comfort of her home and
needs the familiar, and her family close.

there is the one who is soft ~ too soft for this world,
and the one who can shut it off and never look back.

there is the one who is loyal and fiercely protective
and in for the long haul,
and the one who feels she cant breathe
when saying the word commitment.

there is the one whose words are sharp and cutting
and the one who dares not to make another sad.

one walks tall in the high heels
and the other is simply a barefoot girl.

there is the one who can love a million different people,
and the one who prefers that love be only returned by just one.

one part naked.
one part closed up tight.

one part open.
one part the keeper of secrets never to be told.

one part fearless.
one part stricken.

there is the one who is the life of the party
and the one who just wants to be left alone and surrounded by silence.

there is the one who is so sure, and knows exactly
what she wants
and where she is going,
and the one who feels she just stepped onto the
school bus for the very first time.

there is the one who is forever playful and a hunter of laughter
and the one who cries every single damn day.

i am two.
i am divided.
i am split.

and sometimes it feels like a hell of a babysitting job.

Posted by jen at 10:20 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1466)


February 21, 2005

all that we have...

patflowers2.jpg
pat, mamiya 645afd

Our individuality is all,
all that we have.
There are those who barter it for security,
those who repress it for what they believe is the
betterment of the whole society,
but blessed in the twinkle of the morning star
is the one who nurtures and rides it,
in grace and love and wit,
from peculiar station to peculiar station
along life's bittersweet route.

Tom Robbins ~ Jitterbug Perfume

Posted by jen at 08:43 AM   |   link   |   Comments (1096)


February 17, 2005

thinking...

grayeileen.jpg
beautiful eileen, mamiay 645afd

i want to know the reasons why...
i want to know if i am going the right way...
i want to know how
and where
and what
and i want to be sure...

sometimes all my thinking
and all my reflecting
and all my contemplating
get in the way of the natural unfolding of things..

some of my best moves,
my best creations,
my most beautiful adventures,
and the dearest connections,
have happened when my mind was away napping
and my hungry little soul got to climb over into the driver's seat.


remind me of this every once in awhile, okay?


* a special thanks to the lovely Eileen for this shot and for making our visit to Cayman pure delight.....

Posted by jen at 08:58 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1949)


February 16, 2005

damn good fun...

graypine.jpg
wind, canon 300d

last night our dear friend Barron took my friend and I
to a yummy dinner and to see the fabulous Ray LaMontagne play at the Double Door.

ray rocks.
i mean really.
really really....
and his bass player.....wow. my mouth is still hanging open.

and to be with two great companions who not only love music as much as i do, but can make me fall off my chair laughing over their Blue Oyster Cult rendition ~ is just about the best kind of fun i could have asked for.

i wish i could make nights like these last for a week.

Posted by jen at 07:19 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1348)


February 11, 2005

the fight and the feeding...

graypups.jpg
roxie and stella ~ Cayman, mamiya 645afd


"An elderly Cherokee Native American was teaching his grandchildren about
life.....

He said to them, "A fight is going on inside me.
It is a terrible fight,
and it is between two wolves.
One wolf is evil - he is fear, anger, envy,
sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment,
inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other is good - he is joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity,
humility, kindness, benevolence, friendship, empathy, generosity,
truth,compassion and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and
inside every other person, too."

His grandchildren thought about this for a minute, and then one child
asked, "Which wolf will win, Grandfather?"

The old Cherokee replied softly , "The one you feed.""


thank you leonie for this one....

Posted by jen at 04:56 PM   |   link   |   Comments (2331)


February 09, 2005

it is time....

graybeachball.jpg
beach baby,mamiya 645afd

this one goes out to the one
who is considering a change...
i know it feels stressful
and you may not be sure
and things may not look absolute ~

but when a situation is sucking you dry,
and your soul hasn't been fed in months,
and your beamer smile has been hard to find,

then dear,
it is time...

you will feel so much better down the road.
i promise.

Posted by jen at 02:24 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1358)


February 08, 2005

treasures received...

graysands.jpg
seven mile beach, Canon 300D

today when i got home i found a brown paper package sitting on the front
porch with the most lovliest handwriting and postmarked from Belgium....

i didnt even wait to get inside before ripping the seal only to discover a bundle of the most beautiful black and white photos taken by my friend Jan.

Jan takes the kind of photographs i wish i could.
and he also likes to hang out in old
cemeteries and churches which is always a
plus in my book...
ive spent the past hour hanging up his
prints all around my studio...

and as i sit here sipping my jasmine tea, listening to Billie Holiday
on the record player...i am warmed by all the little treasures that fill this
studio... handwritten notes, bottled sand, paintings, photos, beaded jewels, shells, bones, feathers, journals, cd mixes, candles, books ~ and now these incredible prints from Jan.

how is it that i should be the recipient of so much kindness?

i am awful at receiving things.
i feel shy, and not deserving.
i always prefer to be on the giving side of the table.
but i seem to be getting the opportunity to learn the art of
receiving again and again.
and sometimes, it makes me not know what to do...

but i am smiling and my heart feels full.
thank you dear jan.... :)
thank you..

Posted by jen at 03:51 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1104)


February 06, 2005

old friends....

grayandsue.jpg
jen and sue, cayman islands ~ photo by gary, canon 300d

They came to sit & dangle their feet off the edge of the world & after awhile they forgot everything but the good & true things they would do someday..
~ brian andreas

life is a hell of alot easier when you have the company of at least one good friend...

Posted by jen at 06:21 PM   |   link   |   Comments (1239)


February 05, 2005

the best...

graypalmsand.jpg
seven mile beach, Canon 300d

could it have been taking in this view every single day?
or was it the heat and sun on my skin...

could it have been that i was with my closest friends?
or that music filled every which way i turned....

maybe it was the mangoes and the laughing attacks...

or saving that pig from certain death...

it could have been seeing the slow recovery of a small little island that was
torn apart by the hurricane...the sense of community and the amazing ability nature has to heal itself.

it may have been walking the beach and seeing the stars at night
or the fish that surrounded me and practically carried me through the water...

was it the wonderful meals
and long chats with my pal
and not having to wear shoes or layers of clothes?

maybe it was listening to George play the piano and Genie playing
his harp...

maybe it was that it was the first time in months i didnt feel like i was spinning...

whatever it was,

it was the best....

Posted by jen at 08:55 AM   |   link   |   Comments (1799)