During my childhood, I somehow developed a belief that
if I weren’t appreciative for someone or something in my life,
it would be taken away.

When my beloved cat, Dominoe, was smacked flat by a car, I was convinced it was somehow my fault. I was too busy swimming at the pool that summer and didn’t spend as much time with her as I should have. This forced her to travel further beyond the confines of our yard in search of adventure, and led her to crossing the dreaded pet-killing road (Baldwin Rd. for you locals). Clearly the fault of an ungrateful nine year old who loved to swim too much.

I think that is when I began the obsessive habit of thanking God each night, for every single thing I could think of.
My family, our house, our pets, my friends, food ~ specifically mashed potatoes, my purple bike, the tree that held my favorite tree fort….

But those prayers were more out of fear than true thankfulness. And quite honestly, it was an exhausting task ~ imagine the pressure.

Even as an adult I still can get swept into feeling I
must be grateful for every single thing….or else.

A friend once said to me they found it interesting I thought I had that much power. That I thought my thinking could actually control the world around me to that extreme. Not thankful for you? WHAM! You’re on your way out. Not appreciating that little kitten? ZAP! See ya later pussycat.

I guess it is a bit silly when I look it that way.

I still practice a form of thankfulness, but it now comes from a different place.
It’s now about just being more aware. Slowing down enough to see and feel the goodness of my life. If I can remain present enough, the gratitude just naturally comes forth. Not out of fear or obligation, but just from the pure natural expression of my heart.