and then i realized,
i was judging her by
calling her judgmental.

sometimes i get anger and judgment confused.

there is a dear older man who is a crossdresser and frequents
the local shopping mall i go to. yesterday when i saw him,
there was a group of kids laughing at him as he passed by.
their parents were also a part of the snickering.
i felt so angry, i turned to them and delivered one of my piercing
looks ~ and they quickly turned away....

i wanted to run up and hug this man,
i wanted to talk with this group,
and try to get them to a place of understanding.
i wanted to cry because it was all so ugly.
i even wanted to be mean and say
something horrible to shut these people up.

all i did was give the evil eye, and really,
how effective was that?

does my anger carry judgment? yes it does.
but if i go beneath that initial layer i find other pieces.
i find sadness that these children have been raised
without sensitivity and respect for others.
i find shame knowing i too have
had really unkind thoughts towards other people.
i find pain, remembering what it is like
to be teased and laughed at. i find fear,
realizing i live in a place that sometimes is
so flipping backwards. i find confusion,
about how to "choose love" when im feeling
every emotion but love.

at the end of the day i had no answers.
the only thing i could think to do was say a prayer
a blessing for each person who
participated in this scene.

do you struggle with judgement and anger the way i do?
do you think about things as much as i do?