and the more i cling,
the more i actually lose grip.

the more i try to fix,
the messier it gets.

this letting go stuff....
it's hard, huh?

when i feel that urgency to step into control mode,
i know that is the very time i need to take a breather,
let the emotions settle,
and find what's really behind it all.

for me, 9 times out of 10, it all comes down to fear.
fear of being hurt, fear of being left, fear of being seen as someone other than i really am, fear of failure, fear of danger, fear of letting somebody down, fear of losing love...

when i can identify that fear, and put a name to it, somehow the charge around it all seems to lessen, and i find i am able to communicate more truthfully and can make decisions in ways that are more effective.

its when i don't take that necessary time that i make impulsive decisions, whacky demands, knee jerk reactions, and make really foolish mistakes. (and let me tell you, there is no control in any of that!)

what i am learning is that its really normal to want to have that feeling of control,
but that this control concept, is really just a cover up for what i really need.
and if i can try to take just a little bit more time to hear what is going on within me,
i will be able to see much more clearly and ultimately make choices out of what is best rather
than from the grips of fear.

just something ive been thinking about lately.