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October 28, 2008

finally... .... ....

denise open hands, waiting....

as long as i have known denise, which feels like decades and decades,
she and her husband have been looking and searching and wishing and waiting for a child to come into their lives. they did everything,
to do whatever it took to try and conceive.......i remember every phone call, each month, tears and defeat, and then a willingness to try try again. and it often broke my heart to hear her trying to be positive and knowing she was
just so very sad and grasping onto hope.

we were very hopeful when the possibility of adoption came, and i think all of us thought this was finally going to happen. and then things feel apart,
and i have to admit, i shot a glare or two towards the sky,
and i admit i said once or twice to that very same sky:

"this is bullshit. and enough is enough.
and why do the meanest people on earth have children
and why wouldnt heaven jump at the chance to have
the most loving and kind folks care for the soul of a precious child?!"

but i couldnt stay in that place for long,
because the last thing my friend needed
was another hopeless person.

it wasnt long ago, denise and her husband received another
call from the adoption coordinator. i remember feeling
very protective about not wanting them to endure yet another
loss, so i was a little apprehensive about this contact.

and then i began to hear the story about the birth parents,
and how so many things were seeming to fit,
and what excellent care this mom had provided
for this baby while she has been pregnant,
and how she imagined people just as my friends
to raise this child,
that i just knew.
and i knew denise felt it too, because her voice
wasnt shakey, and she actually had joy when we
would talk. (ive heard her giggle more in the past
two months than i have ever heard in the time of knowing her)

it finally made sense,
all the apparent glitches in the story,
were actually very specific and directive turns,
to get them to this place of finding the child destined for their hearts.

he is about to arrive any day now.
and every time the phone rings my heart skips a beat
~ because not only do i get to witness a dream come true,
a wish so deeply drenched in love finally being granted,

but i also get to be the very proud,
very honored, very protective,
very grateful fairy godmother to this little boy...

and that about the very best gift i could imagine :) ....

i have grown to be fully at peace with not having children of my own, knowing that my "mothering" would come about in a hundred different ways, but i have to admit, that with the arrivals of my baby niece and the Boho's little son, i feel a swell in my heart that makes my heart burst in a way that i can't put words too. there are pieces in the nooks of my heart that havent felt this kind of
light ever before.

all i know is that it is the most hopeful feeling i have ever felt. ...

come on phone, ring....

Posted by jen on October 28, 2008 10:14 AM