and yet expected at the same time,
because when you sign up for
soul work, it never really ends.

and i think what naturally happens
is that when you choose to unravel
a pattern that no longer works, or when
you decide you must rewrite the script
thats been on your nightstand for a good 42 years ~

it seems like every single opportunity
to practice and grow into this new way of
being comes pounding on your door in
excess measures.

or perhaps your new
awareness just helps you to see things
that have always been there, but not with
this intense light shining on it.

either way, lets just say im not running even
close to short of a lack of opportunities to practice
and grow from.
its even to the point where i have said
a few times now, "enough already. i get the point."

its true what they say,
you get what you ask for,
and be careful what you wish for....
because i have asked and wish for continued
growth. i have prayed that i learn what it is that
i need to learn, change what i need to change,
and trust what i need to trust.

i just think it would be really cool if i could do these things
while away on a deserted island with Barron, or through a really
fun and beautiful experience.

i know, i know, the hardest stuff
is companion to the most difficult stuff.
and id never get to the shit i have to clean
up if i was dancing around la la land.
ive got to go through the shit to get
what i need to get.

i also have a choice at how long and drawn out
these times can be. its simple, the harder i work
at taking responsibilty for self, the more dedicated
i am to being aware and practicing new truths,
the sooner this dark season will pass, and the stronger
i will be to face the next wave.

there is no way i could sign off this post without
acknowledging the anchors who have been with me.
the ones who have sang me love songs over the phone,
the ones who sent me endlesss surprises in the mail
or special deliveries, the ones who called and wrote
with no expectations ~ just unconditional love, the ones
who crack me up even when i am so terribly crabby,
and especially the man i get to share this life with,
who is the best anchor ive ever laid eyes on.

how do i get to have such beautiful people to fill my life?
thank you x 1,000,000,000. i love you all.

and the beat goes on...