snap.

costa coast, canon 20 d
i hate the way judgement feels inside of me.
i hate how i have the nerve to make an analysis of someone else's life and
assume i must somehow have an imperial type of wisdom that allows me to
do so.
i try to remind myself that we really dont know another person's story, or what bag of pain they are carrying. or that anger sometimes is disguising incredible fear and arrogance often is disguising deep insecurity.
i caught her looking at the way i was dressed (red skirt, pink shoes and a shirt that said "spicy") and raising her eyebrow at my tattoo and looking at me like this somehow made me the wild tramp of her exclusive community. i in turn, returned the judgement by assuming she was, well,.. never mind my thoughts, but i stopped what i was doing and stared her right back down until she looked away and pretended to be busy digging in her purse.
and i realized how ugly this human transaction was and how quickly miles are put between people. and so i tried to imagine what it was like to be her, and what experiences she had in her life, and why it seemed her face seemed so unfamiliar with the expression of a smile.
and i tried to send her love and prayers and erase the negative thoughts i threw her way. but im not sure that worked. and i felt badly.
anyhow, it just reminded me of how i wish to be free of making snap judgments even if they are preceded by snaps thrown in my direction. i missed a moment to be loving, i met her judgement and probably reinforced it.
knowing the way my life works, ill be applying for a job next week and she will be the one interviewing me. and i'll get to learn this lesson all over again.
and so it goes...