happiness.....

boy on the farm, canon 20 d

he was right.
its as if i have a notion that i dont deserve happiness.
and when i experience it, i doubt it, fearing if i latch onto
it too tightly, mr. depression will sneak up and take it all
away again.
i am so aware of when i am feeling good ~ it was absent from
my life for so long that when it comes across me, its like a
brand new moment.
i know this sounds silly to some.
but simply feeling good is like a beautiful surprise.

i remember a time when i felt i had nothing to look forward
to. there was nothing i felt excited about , except for taking
my sleeping pill and going to bed.
god that was a brutal time.

i can feel my life coming back to me.
i can feel my interests awakening.
i feel the need to create and discover.

this week i have been purging memories of my past.
getting rid of clothes and photograhs and books and
letters and reminders of the life that is no more.
its been so freeing.

and so my life begins again.

and its looking like a happy one.