she told me how she is afraid
she might be going crazy.

and he said how lonely the holidays are now that his sweetie is in the nursing home because she cant remember her name anymore.

she said the cutting brought her more relief than meditation.

he told me he knows he ugly.

she told me she often cries when she gets home from work.

he told me he is done with trying.

and she told me she would go to sleep forever if it werent for her daughter.

he told me how he was going to try to stay sober this weekend by not leaving his house.

she said she is afraid to stop moving because then she might have to feel and it would engulf her.

he said he no longer loves her but is staying because of the children.

i said, its a good thing my stalker is the age of a grandpa because at least i might be able to out run him, but as much as i joke about it, its really freaks me out.

and as much pain was in each one of these conversations there was a sense of aliveness because they were raw and real and honest , and not about the weather or the sale at nordstorms
or the bears game.

i will not ignore the elephant in the living room,
heavy as it is at times,
because its that very elephant that is also the doorway to a healing shift.

and secrets make us sick.

and i am committed to an authentic life.

i root for you.
god how i root for all of us.

and the beat goes on.....