jen gray

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August 16, 2006

anxiety.....

fallen, canon 20d

Mr Anxiety paid me a visit this week.
The thing about it, and those of you who have this will understand~
is that when it creeps up, and you cant seem to put a finger on why it is there, its more stressful...its maddening.

now im still fully functioning. im not frozen or full blown.
but i have been there before.
and once you have been there, it makes you a little gunshy when a wave hits you.you worry it will keep growing. this one is more like a constant jitter. a buzzing inside that will not stop.

So maybe you take your meds.
Or you exercise.
Or you sleep.
Or you listen to some tunes.
Or you have a session with your therapist.

but sometimes, in spite of all you try to do, it still sticks around. like an annoying roommate that wont stop talking.

and this is when i call my mom.

she has such a good understanding of how anxiety and depression and panic attacks affect our lives. she reminds me i am not crazy. that it will pass. that i have undergone many intense changes this past year and sometimes the body just cant manage all the energy, so it acts up.
but it eventually, it subsides.

Somehow just hearing her say these things diffuses it for me.

She should be the counselor for the anxiety hotline.
1-800-ImFreakedOut..
"Hello..this is Kay....and you're NOT crazy".

so to all of you who know what im talking about,
you are not alone. and it will pass. i understand. and so does my mom.

deep breaths....deep breaths...

Posted by jen on August 16, 2006 07:23 PM

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Comments

wow you are so honest about this it's refreshing...

i'm glad you can post things like that, and glad you have a GREAT mom!!!

Posted by: kristen at August 16, 2006 07:51 PM

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yup, been there, made that phone call, my mom gets it too...just from watching me.
Posted by: jeri at August 16, 2006 09:05 PM

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Um, could I have your Mom's number?

Yep, it gets my works all gummed up. . .
Posted by: Popeye at August 16, 2006 09:11 PM

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my boyfriend does that for me, he says just the right things when it happens. he knows when to get gruff and say "amy! Stop, now!!!" and when to just listen and tell me to take a deep breath. hang in there jen, youre such a stong woman.
Posted by: Amy at August 16, 2006 10:34 PM

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I understand what you're talking about. My Mom is that person for me too.
I hope you're feeling better.
Posted by: Tammy at August 16, 2006 11:50 PM

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thank you from the bottom of my soul - you don't know how much i needed this *right* now...thank your mom for me too...if we all had someone like that to call upon...

bless you sweet one and yes, it will pass

love you!
xo
Posted by: stef at August 17, 2006 12:06 AM

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oh man, I hear you woman. There have been many times that I would've like to call that hotline. your mom is an angel.
Posted by: amystery at August 17, 2006 01:03 AM

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I have felt a lot of anxiety this week, as well, for the first time in a while. My Mother was there for me too, and managed to make me feel better (she just happened to wake up a little after 4am, and talked me through my sobbing <3 )
Posted by: Angela at August 17, 2006 03:51 AM

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I totally understand and have been there many times myself. They're like waves or storms. Whenever anxiety hits me I tell myself it's a passing storm. Someone once told me that anxiety attacks aren't entirely bad. They can be signals to us to slow down and meditate before something really does go wrong.

ommmm!
Posted by: susan at August 17, 2006 06:18 AM

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I love this photo. October of 2007's photo?

Congratulations on your coping skills for anxiety--you know they're hard won. Sometimes it's hard to know whether to float on the surface or to swim into the middle and break it all up so it goes away.
Posted by: Joy at August 17, 2006 08:33 AM

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My beautiful, frantic daughter, what you had was a "blip", just to let you know your nervous system is in perfect working condition. You've already been through the worst, and it won't get any worse than that. Yes, it sucks, and yes, it is frightening, and yes, you feel like you're going crazy, but honey, you have to stand way in the back of the line, behind the rest of us who are absolutely positive we really ARE going crazy! Angela, Susan, Amy, Jeri, et all, please know 1)you are part of a huge family of "crazies" and 2)you aren't going to be a part of that family forever.........."it" does pass and you'll survive to face another part of your life, hopefully less dramatic and scary. Oh, Jen-Jen, tell Popeye, she can have my number......I'll either help her or send her over the brink! Love you...............
Posted by: kb at August 17, 2006 09:28 AM

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thanks hon. solidarity for the hearts that bear sensitivity.
Posted by: lisa at August 17, 2006 09:47 AM

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Wow - what a perfect definition of the word "mom", and what a good woman.

Although I love her dearly, my mom has never been able to understand, let alone support or talk me through my bouts of anxiety.

I have however, been blessed to have found a wonderful friend, confidant, and personal counselor in my step-mom! In case you're reading this, thank you Marti, for all the times you have held my hand, calmed me down, and talked me through all of my craziness.
Posted by: Christy at August 17, 2006 09:59 AM

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Hey...does Moe have a web page to explore. Have a friend who is interested in her situation. Help a lady knit one pearl two
Posted by: CB at August 17, 2006 12:25 PM

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I hate that feeling, that I often get, of worrying about something. But I can't figure out what exactly it is that I'm worrying about. You're right- it just makes yu crazier not to know why.
It will go away. Probably pretty soon.

Posted by: Sabine at August 17, 2006 02:24 PM

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Hey Jen
Funny, you were in my dream last night. I only know you through your words but you've really come to represent a kind of comfort and familiarity. In the dream I was wandering around London, I'd decided to go for the day and when I got there I didn't know what to do. I ended up in a restaurant/cafe and you were behind the counter. You recognized me somehow and started asking how I was. I felt so safe and taken care of. Lots of other great things happened in the dream but that's the gist of where u came in. I'm not in my element this week, on a vacation feeling a bit anxious here and there. I am breathing, thank you, rock star that you are!
Love,
Kristy
Posted by: kristy at August 17, 2006 03:14 PM

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Thank you.

This was just what I needed today.
Posted by: Ellabel at August 17, 2006 06:08 PM

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Oh him...Mr. Anxiety?? He has a major crush on me....calling me constantly!
Unlike you, my mom...who is my very best friend, can not understand or sympathize with me at all. In fact, I think that sometimes--she is annoyed with me about it.
I try not to complain--try to keep perspective---there are far worse disorders to suffer from....but if we are being honest here--generalized anxiety sucks. the constant feeling of impending doom--for no reason at all. It makes it so hard to enjoy the gifts that God has given me sometimes. I used to FREAK out because i thought I was goign to pass out (I have before--not from anxiety but still gunshy from it) and I have truly taught myself to cope--to hold on and try not to think --until it blows through..and somewhat like a bad tornado-- it leaves behind a long to do list of things that got pushed to the side because i was to busy just holding on to get get anything accomplished....

Sometimes at night--I lay in bed and think..."Holy shit! I didn't worry today!!!!" And then, I pinch myself to make sure I'm still alive!

And, I'm married to someone who can't even pronounce the word "worry." i don't think he's ever done it. I love him for it---and I'm jealous at the same time.
Posted by: Sara at August 17, 2006 06:36 PM

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My mother died seven years ago. From that point on, milestones started to rule my life. She was diagnosed at 54 and was dead at age 60. When my husband turned 54 I was convinced it would happen to him. He's just turned 60 and is fine. In addition to that I have to know where everyone is at a given time and if they are not there or don't answer their phone, I'm riddled with anxiety. If all the worry had turned to reality it would have been a different story for my husband. He's just fine, and now I can just accept I worried needlessly for years.
There are two sayings I now try to live by one from my mother: "if you want what you had, then you get what you got" (sometimes you have to say it a few times before you go: yeah I get it. And the other from my fatther: "it is what it is". So true so true.
Shout out to my step daughter and dear friend Christy, thanks for the kind words. I'm honored by you. And, I'm so glad Jen's blog has started you writing again! No telling where it will lead you!
Marti
Posted by: Marti at August 17, 2006 10:42 PM

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thank you God for Mom~Kay! what would we do w/o you! i miss you!

jen ~ i pray for you every day & nite! just remember to breath and that you are never alone...ever!

love, fayth
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