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December 15, 2005
tangles...
tangles ~ on the path, canon 20d
its true.
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i knew what i wanted and went after it.
and i really never considered things not
working out the way i hoped.
but now everything is changing.
and nothing is the same.
and things havent been coming so easily.
and while my friends and family are still there,
offering everything to me, i have this constant urging
to just go and be on my own.
i have to figure out what it is i want. i always knew, but
im not sure what that looks or feels like anymore.
but i do know this.
this time around, what i choose,
will not be based on another person.
it will not be based on guilt or obligation.
it will not be based on a relationship or pleasing others
or bowing down to what culture defines as appropriate.
it will not be based on being the "good girl" i have always been.
it will be from the deepest part of my guts
even if it scares the hell out of me.
it will be from my deepest desires and i will
find it no matter how much of a tangle i have
to get through to get there.
i still have the part of me that is strong.
i still have a solitary strength that can get me through.
i still have a part of me that knows enough not to sit around
waiting for the golden egg to land in my lap.
i still have the part of me that knows when it is time to go
even if it means a heart breaking rip.
and damn it ,
damn it,
damn it,
i am not too old.
so there.
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