it was the thought of anyone getting hurt, that really scared me.

when i was younger, before i went to sleep, i had a ritual of saying the name of every single person i knew... it was a prayer of sorts, and i thought my prayers had the power to keep others safe.

i ended up having to make a list, so i wouldn't forget anyone...
the list was long. it was on a yellow legal pad... i can still see the names scribbled down on the pages.

the day i found out my friend's father had been murdered, I knew immediately why this had happened.

he wasn't on my list.

somehow, i felt responsible. it was my fault. if i had only prayed for him, he would still be alive.

needless to say, my list doubled in size after that. i was consumed with the fear of forgetting someone. instead of staying up late to watch Love Boat, i would go to my room and recite the names to God.

i eventually gave up this exhausting task, when my cat, Domino, (who was on my list) was hit and killed by a car. i remember being so shocked that this thing i had believed in for so long, proved to be useless...